Political Satire: 原来政治可以这么轻松

最近时常看到这个传说中的加拿大“前”政党，犀牛当的介绍:A political party whose "basic credo, their so-called primal promise, was 'a promise to keep none of our promises.'" .

好奇之下google了一下，犀牛党真是很好玩
提出了大量有趣的点子：

Other platform promises released by the Rhinoceros Party included:

* repealing the law of gravity[5]
* reducing the speed of light because it's much too fast,

If elected, the Rhinoceros Party promised to legalise devices such as this
If elected, the Rhinoceros Party promised to legalise devices such as this

* paving Manitoba to create the world's largest parking lot,
* providing higher education by building taller schools,
* instituting English, French and illiteracy as Canada's three official languages,
* offering to retrain those constituents who want to become illiterate by enrolling them in a state educational institution,
* tearing down the Rocky Mountains so that Albertans could see the Pacific sunset, or moving them one metre west as a make-work project,
* legalising pot. And pans. And spatulas. And other kitchen utensils,
* building sloping roads and bicycle paths across the country so that Canadians could "coast from coast to coast",
* making all sidewalks out of rubber to prevent inebriated people from hurting themselves when they fall down
* responding to the energy crisis, reducing energy costs for transportation by moving the cities of Montréal 50 km west and Toronto 50 km east,
* abolishing pumping oil out of the ground as that oil is there to keep the earth moving smoothly on its axis and if you withdraw the oil, the whole thing will grind to a halt,
* abolishing the environment because it's too hard to keep clean and it takes up so much space,
This takes up a lot of space and is very difficult to clean. As such, the Rhinoceros Party pledged to abolish it.
This takes up a lot of space and is very difficult to clean. As such, the Rhinoceros Party pledged to abolish it.
* annexing the United States, which would take its place as the third territory, after the Yukon and the Northwest Territories (Nunavut did not yet exist) in Canada's backyard, in order to raise the mean temperature of Canada by one degree Celsius,
* replacing the Canadian Forces with clones of Vladislav Tretiak,
* end crime by abolishing all laws
* making bubble gum the national currency, so that it could be inflated or deflated at will,
* Making the pop bottle the official currency of Canada as the value went up, not down
* Paving the Bay of Fundy to create more parking in the Maritimes
* Demolishing the Rockies and using the resulting gravel to make a national nature trail
* breeding a mosquito that would only hatch in January so that "the little buggers will freeze to death",
* turning Montreal's Saint Catherine Street into the world's longest bowling alley,
* adopting the British system of driving on the left; this was to be gradually phased in over five years with large trucks and tractors first, then buses, eventually including small cars and bicycles last,
* as an energy-saving idea, putting larger wheels on the back of all cars so that they will always be going downhill,
* selling the Canadian Senate at an antique auction in California,
* putting the national debt on Visa

...four hundred thirty four, four hundred thirty five...
...four hundred thirty four, four hundred thirty five...

* declaring war on Belgium because a Belgian cartoon character, Tintin, killed a rhinoceros in one of the cartoons[6]
* offering to call off the proposed Belgium-Canada war if Belgium delivered a case of mussels and a case of Belgian beer to Rhinoceros "Hindquarters" in Montréal (the Belgian Embassy in Ottawa did, in fact, do this)[6]
* painting Canada's coastal sea limits so that Canadian fish would know where they were at all times,
* counting the Thousand Islands to make sure none were missing,
* running Penny Hoar on a safe sex platform in Toronto,
* running more than one candidate per riding as an MP's salary is certainly enough to support more than one person,
* exploiting acid rain as an electrical energy source by placing dissimilar-metal electrodes in Canadian swimming pools in order to use them as batteries,
* making Canadians stronger by putting steroids in the water,

Under the Rhinoceros Party, this kind of event would have been outlawed
Under the Rhinoceros Party, this kind of event would have been outlawed

* banning lousy Canadian winters,
* moving the Vatican to Saint-Bruno-de-Montarville, Quebec to promote tourism,
* putting the West Edmonton Mall on wheels and rolling it to areas of the country suffering from economic depression,
* turning the Louis-Hippolyte Lafontaine tunnel in Montreal into a free carwash by poking holes in the ceiling,
* transforming the Montreal Olympic Stadium into a gigantic beluga aquarium,
* drafting the Queen Mother to sew up the hole in the ozone layer
* building giant domes over several conservative neighbourhoods to keep the dinosaurs, both real and political, in.
* eventually build a dome over canada to prevent damage from oncoming stars
* annexing Greenland and creating a cartel with other northern nations in order to sell icebergs to the Saudis; the cartel would be called "Snopec",
* digging a canal from coast to coast, by hand, to reduce unemployment; and then, leveling the Rocky Mountains and using the canal to transport the material east to fill in the Great Lakes, in order to expand Canada's landmass.
* impose an "import quota on lousy winters -- Canadians are sick of being God's frozen people. It's time to get back to the four basic seasons: salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar."
* include the word "fun" in Acts of Parliament, Acts of Provincial Legislatures, and Bylaws of municipalities, from which it was apparently conspicuously absent.
* Build a dome over the Annapolis Valley so they can grow bananas.
* Renaming the country Nantucket

而且他们也不只是是说说，而是实际的参加选举，最高得票记录是在1980年得到110,286张选票，占到当年全国的1.01%，着实是个惊人的成绩，他们的其他战绩如下:

The Rhinoceros Party never succeeded in winning a seat in Parliament. In the 1984 federal election, however, the party won the fourth-largest number of votes, after the three main political parties, but ahead of several well-established minor parties. Rhino candidates sometimes came in second in certain ridings, humiliating traditional Canadian parties in the process. In the 1980 federal election, for instance, the Rhinoceros party nominated a professional clown/comedian named Sonia "Chatouille" Côté ('chatouille' means tickles in French) in the Laurier riding in Montréal. Côté came in second place, after the successful Liberal candidate, but ahead of both other major parties: the third place New Democrat, and the fourth-place Progressive Conservative candidate [7]. Chatouille received almost twice as many votes as the PC candidate.

最让人感动的地方是，这个看似胡搞瞎搞的政党表示：

The Rhino Party also declared that, should they somehow actually win an election, they would immediately dissolve and force a second election.

如果真是这样，那么应该说他们还是在以一种特殊的方式表达对国家的责任感的。不过...如果你把这句话和他们的Primal promise放在一起考虑，那么，可能就会变成一个更大的笑话了。

以上全部内容均来自Wikipedia，如果你希望知道更多，请访问Rhinoceros Party of Canada

如果以上内容依然让你觉得意犹未尽，wiki上还有一个关于全世界搞笑政党的列表:List of frivolous political parties

不过在我看来，这里面最大的Political Satire其实是: 没有一个中国政党入选