FedEx: 7×２小时热线

今天收到联邦快递的一个"纸条"...上面留了一个运单号

然后就去他们的网站看了一眼，惊讶的发现，服务热线居然是一个手机号...

胖胖赶紧跳出来打圆场： 说不定他们把手机和座机绑定了

再一仔细看，居然这个服务热线是7×2小时了.这下连他都不能忍了

可爱的联邦快递，入乡随俗的还真是快

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猪头十二星座(Zz)

顺便对那个长相非常诡异的"山羊"做了一下考据，发现原来这个可怜的孩子（《潘神的迷宫》里面貌似给人完全不同的印象），还有这么一段悲惨的经历：



山羊座严谨而内敛，就像它的名字一样。在希腊神话中，他管着宙斯的牛羊，他们都叫他牧神潘恩。

潘恩长得十分丑陋，几乎可以用狰狞来形容。头上生了两支角，而下半身该是脚的部分却是一支羊蹄。这样丑陋的外表，让牧神潘恩十分难堪与自卑，不能随着众神歌唱，不能向翩翩的仙子求爱。啊！谁能了解丑陋的外表之下，也有一颗热情奔放的心？日日夜夜，他只能藉着吹萧来抒解心中的悲苦。

一日，众神们聚在一起开怀畅饮，放声欢笑，天神宙斯知道潘恩吹得一口好萧，便召他来为众神们演奏助兴。

当凄美的萧声淙淙的流泄在森林，原野之中，众神和妖精们正随着歌声如痴如醉的时候，森林的另一头，一支多头的百眼兽正呼天啸地、排山倒海而来。仙子们哧得花容失色，纷纷抛下手中的竖琴化成一支支的蝴蝶翩翩而去。而众神们也顾不得手中斟满的美酒，有的变成了一支鸟振翅而去，有的跃入河中变成了一尾鱼顺流而去有的干脆化成一道轻烟，消失得无影无踪了。

而牧神潘思，看着众神们都逃的逃，溜的溜，自己却还在为"变成什么逃走好呢？"犹豫不决。最后他决定变成一支山羊，纵身跳入一条溪中。奈何，他选的这条溪实在太浅了，无法完全容纳他庞大的身体，所以下半身变成鱼尾，而上半身仍是一个山羊头。

这下半身的鱼尾便象征了山羊座害羞的特质。

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经典重温《杀了她喂猪》

所谓的经典，就是那些多年后再次听到，除了回忆，还能勾起一点什么的

有人说这个矮大紧其实是高晓松的化名，who knows. 我不是做评论的料，只想原原本本的转载那些打动我的东西。


词曲：矮大紧
矮大紧小传
矮大紧，北京胡同人士。形貌乖张，间歇性智障，恋爱凡五次，积绿帽三顶，因此对女人及与女人有关的男人有暴力倾向。
该矮自幼有倾诉癖，由于变声期早恋，声如鸭。三十岁后亲朋鸟散，乃自学和弦三五，终日对一叫做麦克风的外国人嘀咕。其歌骚长颇占硬盘，其文粗俗有辱观瞻。某日，发现一巨大网兜正在疯狂收络LJ（简称网络），喜极而泣奉散曲若干。
诗曰：
投我以鸡蛋兮，报之以放盐
投我以烂柿兮，报之以红脸

歌词：

2004年11月14号11点14分
朝阳公园该死的酒吧关着该死的门
门口一辆该死的车里坐着该死的人
戴着该死的绿帽子攥着该死的棒球棍

十二点整她不出来十二点整她敢不出来我
一刀两断
十二点前她敢出来十二点前她陪他出来我
当场了断

一辆赃车吐出几条脏猴还玩儿命咳嗽
一个SB趴在我车头吐出一斤肺头
这儿的果多这儿的果尖这儿的果还不要钱
“昨儿我办过”“昨儿我上过”这帮SB真TMD不要脸

门儿开了 真TM吵 一帮孙子在摇头晃脑
一条熟悉的裙子在两条大象腿之间露出个角
TMD原来是个胖子穿着白汗衫黑裤子的死胖子
我发动了车 打开大灯 死死死死瞪着这对狗男女

她看见我了 她走出来了 那个死胖子居然还追出来了
我下车了 走上前去 看着那个胖子我居然笑了
怎么着 想死啊 我挥舞我的棒球棍
她傻了 她惊了 她一动不动站在那里捂着裙子她TMD

吃冰棍儿 拉冰棍儿 没话
吃冰棍儿 拉冰棍儿 没话
吃冰棍儿 拉冰棍儿 没话
吃冰棍儿 拉冰棍儿 没话

胖子发现事儿不妙东张西望想跑 装什么孙子你大爷在这儿我喊道
“不是”“没有”我们只是工作关系在谈一笔大生意
我们白天认识白天约的她说她想炒股票我在教她些诀窍
这孙子开始口若悬河谈起股票的利息被我一脚踹倒在地大喝一声你TMD
吃铁丝儿 拉笊篱 真能编
吃铁丝儿 拉笊篱 真能编
吃铁丝儿 拉笊篱 真能编
吃铁丝儿 拉笊篱 真能编

我是她的男朋友 我是她的未婚夫 我是她的老公 我是他的宝宝
她坐着硬座火车来的北京 我打着飞机陪她回家探亲
她说过要陪我一辈子 她说过要给我生孩子 两个孩子
我要杀了你喂猪 杀了你们喂猪 一条人换两条狗命 我TMD

吃馒头 拉花卷 赚了
吃馒头 拉花卷 我赚了
吃馒头 拉花卷 赚了
吃馒头 拉花卷 我赚了 我要

杀了她喂猪
快使用棒球棍 哼哼哈嘿
杀了她喂猪
快使用棒球棍 哼哼哈嘿
杀了她喂猪
快使用棒球棍 哼哼哈嘿
杀了她喂猪
快使用棒球棍 哼哼哈嘿

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奥巴马胜选演说•文言版(Zz)

〈奥巴马胜选演说·文言版〉
东东枪 译

Hello，Chicago!
芝城父老，别来无恙，

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.
余尝闻世人有疑，不知当今美利坚凡事皆可成就耶？开国先贤之志方岿然于世耶？民主之伟力不减于昔年耶？凡存诸疑者，今夕当可释然。

It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference.
今夕之释然，皆蒙美利坚民众之协力——学塾祠庙之外，市井乡野之间，万千父老心焦似焚，苦待竟日，愿献一票之力。其中，平生未尝涉国事者，数亦不少，而今有此义举，皆因一念不衰——今夫天下，非同既往，愿发吁天之声，必成动地之势。

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states. We are, and always will be, the United States of America.
今夕之释然，皆仰吾国同胞之齐心——何谈贫富老幼之差、党社宗族之异，惶论发肤肌体之别、志趣爱恶之分。吾国既以"合众"为名，吾辈则更无疏离之意，红蓝二党并肩而立，数十邦州挽手相合，无分你我，共称一家，昂然于世，齐声一呼，天下乃有此释然。

It's the answer that led those who've been told for so long by so many to be cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.
今夕之释然，皆因愤懑者之镇静，忧惧者之勇气，犹疑者之笃定——平素世间种种，消磨其志向，溃灭其梦想，而值此风云之际，除旧更新，当仁不让，倾力而动乾坤者，更何人哉！

It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment change has come to America.
俟之诚久，其志弥坚。幸天地明察，乃有今日，乃有此刻，乃有此一选举，乃有我亿万美利坚大好国民——吾邦之大变革，方得自兹而始也！

A little bit earlier this evening, I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Sen. McCain.
Sen. McCain fought long and hard in this campaign. And he's fought even longer and harder for the country that he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine. We are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him; I congratulate Gov. Palin for all that they've achieved. And I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.
倾接参议员麦君凯恩电，虽未得晤，幸有一谈，其言谆谆，其意诚诚，鄙人感佩 之至。选战期内，麦君劳碌几重，奔波几许，皆为国家计。诸般求索，时日良多，皆非余所能及。于国于民之惊人牺牲，亦非庸庸如吾辈者所可想见。以麦君之胆魄 襟怀，能为吾邦所用，实国家之幸，万民之幸也。前途漫漫，其事未竟，余所盼瞩由衷者，唯共麦凯恩君、佩林君，及诸贤士比肩，会吾等之绵力，成吾邦之大业。

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart, and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on the train home to Delaware, the vice president-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.
乔君拜登，亦吾所感铭至深者也。竞选之业，艰险不足与外人道，幸有乔君之辅佐，其诚天可鉴之。乔君其人，素言恳辞切，意笃情真，盖尝经斯兰克顿街乡邻之提命，饱聆特拉华州父老之晤教也。他日余既登总统之位，乔君必当副之。

And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation's next first lady Michelle Obama.
拙荆米氏，追随鄙人凡一十六年，既为爱侣，更为挚友，既为吾阖家之基石，又乃余终生之至爱。鄙人尝自忖度，倘无贤妻若此，今朝阔论高谈于此处者，不知何人矣！

Sasha and Malia I love you both more than you can imagine. And you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the new White House.
小女萨沙、玛丽，余素深喜之。昔日为父尝与汝等言，此番选战若得一胜，愿购小犬一头相赠，待阖家乔迁总统府邸之日，偕汝等同进吾宅。今当胜负已出，既有一诺在前，必自践行不欺也。

And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother's watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight. I know that my debt to them is beyond measure.
祖母大人虽已仙逝，料必有灵在天，俯察人寰，想应颔首开颜矣。吾奥巴马氏列祖列宗，亦当如是。今日今时，此情此景，鄙人追思之心，乌鸟之情，曷其有极！唯生死陌路，仙凡有别，虽怀反哺之心，而无答报之门也！

To my sister Maya, my sister Alma, all my other brothers and sisters, thank you so much for all the support that you've given me. I am grateful to them.
至若玛雅、艾玛二姐妹，以及吾家诸同胞，所惠我者，亦属良多，久沐恩德，此当拜谢。

And to my campaign manager, David Plouffe, the unsung hero of this campaign, who built the best — the best political campaign, I think, in the history of the United States of America.To my chief strategist David Axelrod who's been a partner with me every step of the way.To the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.
大卫•普劳夫君，大卫•阿克塞罗德君，一为鄙人竞选事务之经理，一为鄙人国事韬略之智囊。余尝自喟叹，左右谋士，余所仰赖者，皆亘古未见之贤才。普阿二君，则更此中之翘楚。区区不才，有何德能，可得膀臂若此？当此功成之际，感荷之心，亦自拳拳。

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to. It belongs to you. It belongs to you.
至于鄙人铭之肺腑，须臾不敢忘怀者，则诸位也。盖今日鄙人之胜绩，实诸位之胜绩，鄙人之荣光，实诸位之荣光！

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington. It began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston. It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause.
余素朴陋，虽有参选之心，并无必胜之志。谋事之初，银资乏匮，从者寥寥；起事之地，皆蔽寓荒斋，不在高阁；成事之基，无非寻常百姓，涓滴之献。

It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep.
It drew strength from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on doors of perfect strangers, and from the millions of Americans who volunteered and organized and proved that more than two centuries later a government of the people, by the people, and for the people has not perished from the Earth.
今日之胜，有赖一众热血青年，抛其家，别其室，不辞其苦，不计其酬，矻矻于 此——"国中青年爱国之心已泯"之谬论，今可休矣！今日之胜，有赖壮志未已之诸前辈，无惧寒暑，行走奔波，劝说民众。今日之胜，乃数百万美利坚民众之胜， 察其意，皆属踊跃为国，观其行，处处谨严有序，足堪告慰二百年前开国之先贤——民有、民治、民享之政体，未尝动摇也！

This is your victory.
嗟夫！此实诸位之功也！

And I know you didn't do this just to win an election. And I know you didn't do it for me.You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime — two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century.
余知诸君之意非在此一选举，亦非在鄙人一身。盖瞻前路之艰辛，益知此任非同小可也。虽今夕欢贺于此，而明朝酒醒，大患仍自当前，不容有怠——两地烽烟熊熊而起，四海之内纷纷而乱，金融业界惶惶而不得宁。

Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us.There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after the children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage or pay their doctors' bills or save enough for their child's college education. There's new energy to harness, new jobs to be created, new schools to build, and threats to meet, alliances to repair.
是夜，饮宴笙歌之声不绝于耳，而异邦大漠群山中，吾国大好青年，兀自苦戍边 塞，惝恍竟夜，性命尚未得安。吾国千万庶民，为人父母者，兀自惴惴难眠，所忧者，乃房宅所贷、病患之费、抚育之资也。至若吾国能源之耗，百业之兴，痒序之 教，攻伐之术，怀远之道，亦皆吾等忡忡挂怀者也。

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you, we as a people will get there.
渺渺乎其远，如不可达，危危乎其高，若不可攀。朝夕岁月，焉得成就？余不揣愚钝，愿以四载韶华，付诸此业，胜算何如虽不可知，然昂扬必胜之奇志，成就伟业之壮怀，平生未之有也。君子一诺，其重何如，此地今夕，愿斗胆发一狂言——吾辈既在，其事必成！

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And, above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation, the only way it's been done in America for 221 years — block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.
逶迤坎坷，份内之事。异见争端，料必有之。国中之政府，谅非无所不能者。余 所秉承不移者，唯忠信矣。倘有危难于前，必无欺瞒于世。诸君言论臧否，纵悖逆相左之议，余必当洗耳以聆。于此之外，更当恳请诸君，不吝心血，致力报效，以 振吾美利坚重兴之业。余亦别无他想，唯盼吾侪协力，延继吾国既肇二百二十一年之大统，汇涓滴之力，而成万世之业。

What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It can't happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice.
昔年冬日，余有志于斯，投身此业，屈指算来，倏然近二载矣。当此秋夜，追思 反省，仍无溃退逃亡之意。选战之胜，无非一役之功，余梦寐所思矢志所求者，非在乎此。溯源究本，此役之胜，不过革世变时一大好良机耳。倘止步于斯，垂手而 待，或无诸君倾力相援，则壮志丰功，无非泡影，诸般梦想，终必虚妄。

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other. Let us remember that, if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers. In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people.
爱国之心，报国之念，吾人固有之，然逢今日之世，此心此念亦当一变——吾辈各执己业，益当各竭其力，各尽其命，非但为一己之利，而更期普世之荣。今岁，金融业界动荡多舛，细审观之，当可以之为鉴——实业之损，亦是金融之伤。可知，既在邦域之内，吾辈荣辱休戚，皆相与共矣！

Let's resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let's remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity.Those are values that we all share.
党争纷纭，阴谋卑鄙，愚鲁无知，皆腐蚀清白、惑乱政局之弊也，其缘由已久，余今愿与诸君协力，共灭除之。昔年曾有此郡先贤，执共和党之帜，而掌总统府之权。自强独立，自由统一等信念，皆斯人之所倡，亦吾辈之所宗。

And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.
今岁选战，吾民主党人幸有一胜，然谦逊和合之心未尝少减。余素信服者，乃山河破碎之际，林肯总统之言——"既是至亲，终不为敌。虽弩张剑拔，而血脉未尝断，情义不少减。"

And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too.
固然，仍有四方志士，不为鄙人所动，另有高明之选。虽终悭此一票之缘，然诸君高论，余亦声声在耳，字字在心。倘能得诸君之援手，鄙人幸甚。他日待余总而统之，亦必不另眼以待也。

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces, to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world, our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand.
吾邦民众，散居天下，各安其命，而其志一也。吾邦鼎盛之势，今已乍现锋芒。

To those — to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.
至于心怀叵测，与世人为仇、与天下为敌者，吾邦猛志常在，彼等必取灭亡。心 思纯良，久慕大同者，吾辈当倾力以助，鼎力相援。犹疑未定，不知吾自由之邦兴衰如何者，吾辈愿以今日盛况以告之——美利坚之所以谓之"美"者，非刀兵之 强，金银之众，实民主、自由、机遇、梦想之美也！

That's the true genius of America: that America can change. Our union can be perfected. What we've already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.
天自有道，地自有德，恩赋吾邦无上异禀——无他，唯变而已矣。美利坚变革不怠，合众国日趋尽善。当以过往先贤之伟绩，助吾侪今日之雄心，开子孙万世之辉光。

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight's about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.
今岁选战，多开亘古之先，屡传千秋佳话。感我至深者，亚特兰大之老妪安•尼克松•库帕也——库氏之一票，于数百万美利坚民众之选票无异，其所以引人称奇者，其人今岁高龄一百有六矣。

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons — because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.
当其父辈之时，天道不彰，黑人为奴。库氏其生也不逢时，汽车尚不行于道，飞机未曾起于空，库氏既属黑人，又系女流，票选一事，概无瓜葛。

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America — the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.
今日今时，回溯库氏百岁之涯，但见吾邦先贤屡败屡战，且退且进，悲欣交集，甘苦杂陈。幸而正道存焉，壮志存焉，曰：吾辈既在，无所不能。

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.
万马齐喑，其事堪哀，吾邦女界怒而起，愤而争，苦战不歇，历数十载。幸哉库氏，以百岁之高龄，终得亲见女流自立于世，重获天赋之权——吾辈既在，无所不能！

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.
当百业萧条，国人绝望哀鸣之际，库氏亲见吾美利坚出旷世之新政，挽狂澜于既倒，扶大厦之将倾，退畏惧之势，扶奋勇之心，终至人各有位，民心乃安——吾辈既在，无所不能！

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.
当吾国良港遭袭，天下桀纣当道，暴政肆虐之时，库氏亲见豪杰群起，民主不衰——吾辈既在，无所不能！

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.
蒙哥马利公车之罢辍，伯明翰城黑人之群起，塞尔玛城血雨腥风之事，库氏般般亲历。更曾亲聆亚特兰大传教之士振臂登高之呼——"吾等必胜！"诚哉斯言！吾辈既在，无所不能！

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.
俟科学昌明于世，创想通贯一时，既登广寒之阙，又溃柏林之墙。洋洋乎！有百年如是，乃见今岁选战中，库氏之一票。浩浩兮！一百零六载交锋更迭，方有美利坚今日之变革——吾辈既在，无所不能！

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves — if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?
转眼兴亡过手，而今迈步从头。追昔抚今，不禁扪心而问——俟再历百年岁月，倘吾等后辈儿孙，亦有得享高寿如库氏者，复可见何等之变数？吾辈今日之功，他年可得而见之乎？

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can.
所谓天命时运，莫过于此——当为吾邦万民造安身立命之业，为吾辈儿孙启各显 雄才之门，为寰宇各国创太平静好之世，为吾等壮志赋千秋不灭之元神。吾邦立国之本，必将光耀于天下。万千同胞，当如一人，一息尚存，梦想不灭。纵有世人旁 观在侧，而疑窦生焉，吾辈亦当以千秋不易之训共答之曰——吾辈既在，无所不能！

Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America.
拜谢诸君。愿天佑吾民，天佑吾邦。

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点了饭总想吃别人的

在公司里大家每天都是一起点饭吃，因为是公司结帐，所以大家都具有完全一样的自由度

然后这样的事情总是发生：饭送来以后，大家各自拿走自己的一份，某人眼睛却总是看着别人的菜，馋涎若隐若现，有时更会真的上去"尝一口"。

这一幕今晚再次上映，有人点评到：点了饭总想吃别人的

这种事情又何止是吃饭会遇到呢？

选择摆在自己面前的时候，不知道何去何从，等被别人伸手拿走的时候，才感到心弦被牵动

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Mizuho $7 Billion Loss Turned on Toxic Aardvark Made in America

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Mizuho $7 Billion Loss Turned on Toxic Aardvark Made in America
2008-10-28 22:01:00.0 GMT


(Wall Street's Toxic Exports: Part 3 of 4.)

By Finbarr Flynn
Oct. 29 (Bloomberg) -- Alexander Rekeda, a 34-year-old Ukrainian-born math whiz, turned in his BlackBerry and security card and sent an e-mail to his bosses at Calyon, the investment- banking unit of Credit Agricole SA. Then, along with ten colleagues from the New York structured-finance team, who fired off similar messages, he walked two blocks down the Avenue of the Americas to Mizuho Financial Group Inc.
It was Dec. 8, 2006, and Rekeda's arrival was a coup for Mizuho, Japan's second-largest bank by revenue. A month earlier, it became the first Japanese lender to list on the New York Stock Exchange since 1989 -- a move hailed by John Thain, then chief executive officer of the bourse, as a sign that Mizuho was taking ``its place among the world's leading companies.''
The hires would prove a costly blunder. Rekeda, who became head of structured credit in the Americas, and his team led Mizuho into a business it knew little about, securities backed by U.S. subprime mortgages, where it lost 672 billion yen ($7.1 billion), more than any bank in Asia. Most of the losses were related to defaults on collateralized debt obligations.
Mizuho expects as much as 20 billion yen in potential further losses on bonds and bad loans related to bankrupt Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc., company spokeswoman Masako Shiono said on Sept. 16. Moody's Investors Service, citing ``questions regarding the effectiveness of Mizuho's risk management and its risk appetite,'' continues to give the bank a negative outlook.
``Mizuho never made a penny out of subprime in the good times, they just got left holding the can in the bad,'' says David Threadgold, an analyst at Fox-Pitt Kelton Asia Ltd. in Tokyo who has an ``underperform'' rating on the stock. ``They made a very poor decision to launch into the packaging of subprime products at the end of 2006.''

Toxic Assets

How a Japanese bank that traces its roots to 1864 made such a bold entry into the U.S. subprime securities market, and almost choked on the toxic assets it created, is a tale of overreaching and poor timing. It also illustrates how financial technology made in the U.S. wreaked havoc on the other side of the globe.
Many of the details are spelled out in a lawsuit Calyon filed against Mizuho in U.S. federal court seeking $750 million for ``covertly'' inducing its employees to quit. The case was settled out of court in September 2007 for an undisclosed amount.
Shiono said Mizuho wouldn't comment for this article.
Rekeda, who has a master's degree in mathematics from Kiev State University of Economics in Ukraine and an MBA from the University of Connecticut, had built Calyon's CDO business over two years. He closed six deals for the French bank in 2006, according to an affidavit in the case.

Signing-On Fee

All six, including two with the celestial names Cetus and Orion, later defaulted as Paris-based Credit Agricole racked up more than 6.5 billion euros ($8.1 billion) in subprime losses.
Rekeda, now 34, declined to be interviewed.
On Oct. 18, 2006, Rekeda and his team were offered an $11 million signing-on fee to defect to the Japanese bank, a Calyon lawyer said at a court hearing. Mizuho's plan to expand into the U.S. was hatched earlier that year, as Japanese lenders were recovering from a 14-year debt crisis that forced them to take
$1.1 trillion in writedowns for bad loans.
Mizuho, formed in 2000 in a merger of three banks, beat out rivals Mitsubishi UFJ Financial Group Inc. and Sumitomo Mitsui Financial Group Inc. to win approval from U.S. regulators to set up a financial holding company. That enabled it to operate as a full-service investment bank.
As Mizuho President Terunobu Maeda said at a press briefing on May 15 this year, the bank had excess capital and ``needed to study'' the U.S. mortgage-backed securities business.

Bad Loans

Maeda, 63, a former chairman of the Japanese Bankers Association and an amateur gardener who doesn't use air conditioners at his home during Tokyo's humid summers to make an environmental point, became president of Mizuho in April 2002.
The bank recorded a loss of 2.38 trillion yen that fiscal year as it wrote off bad loans accrued during three recessions in a decade. Maeda returned it to profitability the next year after reducing non-performing assets and through gains on investments in Japanese stocks.
While Mizuho was a newcomer to the CDO market in the U.S., it had experience arranging and selling similar investments in Japan and Europe. The company had ramped up its loan- securitization business, which Japanese banks were able to do without borrowers' consent after October 1998. Merrill Lynch & Co., Bear Stearns Cos. and Goldman Sachs Group Inc. all helped Japanese banks repackage and market securities backed by corporate loans and mortgages.

Rising Delinquencies

Even so, Mizuho decided it needed help in the U.S. Talks with the Calyon team began in early 2006, when Douglas Munson, a sales director for the French bank, approached golfing buddy Theodore Ake, head of fixed income for Mizuho in New York, according to two people familiar with the negotiations. The size of the group and the amount of sign-on bonuses snowballed after Rekeda was brought into the discussion, the people said. Munson and Ake declined to comment.
By the time the deal was consummated, the market was turning. On Dec. 11, 2006, the same day Mizuho announced it was setting up an office in the U.S. to create asset-backed debt securities, Fitch Ratings said the outlook for U.S. subprime mortgage bonds was ``negative.'' It expected delinquencies on those loans to rise by 50 percent.
There was also confusion about the hiring deal. The Calyon team turned out to include more than the five people expected by Hitoshi Shimoyama, then deputy president of investment banking unit Mizuho Securities USA Inc., documents in the case allege.
``Mizuho did not even know the number or names of additional persons until shortly before they came,'' Shimoyama said in a March 17, 2007, affidavit.

Bonus Pool

Benjamin Lee, one of those who defected on Dec. 8, returned to the French bank five days later. He said he ``had been misled by Rekeda'' about the terms of employment at Mizuho, according to an affidavit he filed.
Lee said he was initially told by Rekeda that he could expect $1 million to $1.5 million from a bonus pool. He later learned there was a separate contract for him and other junior members of the group that didn't include a revenue-related bonus.
Senior team members were entitled to share as much as 25 percent of revenue from completed transactions, court documents said.
Rekeda's group priced its first deal within 10 weeks, after the Mortgage Bankers Association reported that the default rate on U.S. subprime loans reached 12.6 percent, the highest level since the first quarter of 2003.

Aardvark CDO

The deal was named after a squat animal with a pig-like snout that feeds on ants and termites. Incorporated as a special- purpose company in the Cayman Islands, Aardvark ABS CDO was an ugly concoction: 31 percent of its $1.5 billion of securities were backed by subprime loans, 23 percent by residential mortgages repackaged from other CDO deals, and 33 percent by Alt- A mortgages, a category just above subprime. The remaining 13 percent were prime loans.
One reason Rekeda was able to move so fast was that the deal had already been assembled by London-based Lloyds TSB Group Plc, which pulled out before completion, said three people familiar with the transaction. HarbourView Asset Management Corp., a unit of New York-based OppenheimerFunds Inc., stayed on as manager.
Spokesmen for Lloyds and HarbourView declined to comment.
Moody's assigned its highest short-term rating of P-1 to
$1.3 billion of the Aardvark securities. In the prospectus, Mizuho pledged to back 87 percent of the deal, meaning that the bank, rather than investors, was on the hook for most of the potential losses.

In the Pipeline

A subsequent Mizuho offering, Tigris CDO 2007-1, valued at
$902 million in March 2007, was backed by the lowest investment- grade tranches of CDO deals arranged by other Wall Street firms, including Merrill, Lehman and Citigroup Inc., according to a report that month by Fitch Ratings. More than 80 percent of the securities in the CDO had Fitch's lowest investment rating, BBB-, which is nine grades below AAA.
Rekeda planned to bring at least nine more CDO deals to market within six months, the investment newsletter Asset-Backed Alert reported on May 11, 2007. The newsletter quoted him saying the bank had ``built up the pipeline.'' As of April 1, 2007, Mizuho Securities had amassed more than 550 billion yen in residential mortgage-backed securities and CDOs supported by home loans, according to the bank's financial statements.
One of those deals made it to market in June 2007: a special-purpose entity called Delphinus 2007-1. Although named after a constellation, its contents were hardly stellar. Three- quarters of its securities were based on subprime mortgages, according to a July 23 Fitch report.

Ratings Downgrade

About 80 percent of the deal was backed by credit-default swaps arranged by firms including JPMorgan Chase & Co., Citigroup and Wells Fargo & Co. Citing ``strong demand'' from investors, Mizuho increased the size of the deal that July to $1.6 billion from $1.2 billion.
That was eight days before two Bear Stearns funds were shut down, heralding the start of the subprime crisis. Less than three months later, on Sept. 27, Fitch put Delphinus on its watch list.
The negative designation, Fitch analyst Kevin Kendra said at the time, was ``probably the quickest I've seen'' on a CDO. In other words, Mizuho struggled to find buyers for its CDOs and, as their values plummeted, the bank would have to absorb the loss.
Mizuho didn't tell investors about the extent of its exposure until November 2007, when it reported a 70 billion-yen loss on subprime-related securities in the first half ended Sept.
30. It also said it expected that figure to grow to 170 billion yen for the full year.

CDO Default

By December, Mizuho had halted its U.S. CDO business. It fired Rekeda and at least four others on the team, putting an end to the bank's one-year experiment with American financial technology.
In January, as delinquencies on loans that backed Mizuho's CDOs increased, Aardvark, Tigris and Delphinus went into default.
Subsequent downgrades of all of the tranches of Tigris and Aardvark required the bank to write down the value of the CDOs.
Mizuho had to inject 150 billion yen of capital into its securities unit, shelve a planned merger with Shinko Securities Co. and axe 300 jobs. The bank's shares lost half their value in the fiscal year ended March 31.
When a record 2,474 shareholders gathered at the Tokyo International Forum on June 26 for the bank's annual meeting, they were out for blood.
``The responsibility rests at the top with Maeda,'' Kenjiro Endo, 66, who bought Mizuho shares when he retired from chipmaker Toshiba Corp. six years ago, said after the meeting. ``If this were overseas, he'd resign.''

`Market Crashed'

Endo may have had a point. Citigroup CEO Charles O.
``Chuck'' Prince, Merrill's Stan O'Neal and Wachovia Corp.'s Kennedy Thompson were all forced to resign after significant subprime losses. In Japan, where executives often bow and apologize for their mistakes, Mizuho's Maeda stood firm.
``Unfortunately, from October, the securitized investment- product market crashed, and even if we tried to sell the investments, it wasn't possible,'' Maeda said at the shareholders' meeting. ``When the market stops functioning, there is no measure to avoid it.''
Maeda also defended the bank's decision to enter the U.S.
securities market.
``It's not because of some management failure that things turned out like this,'' he said. ``I am very sorry to tell you, doing nothing, and not taking risk, is not a bank.''

Failure to Hedge

Yet Mizuho might have incurred half as many losses if it had accelerated the sale of subprime-related investments and hedged more bets with credit-default swaps, according to a person familiar with its U.S. operations. The bank, fearing it would lose as much as two-thirds of its potential profit, decided not to hedge, the person said. Mizuho declined to comment.
``The holding company was unable to grasp the size of losses at Mizuho Securities when the subprime problem emerged,'' said Keisuke Moriyama, a Tokyo-based analyst at Nomura Holdings Inc.
``Mizuho has a governance problem. How it fixes it is the biggest issue that faces the group.''
The ultimate cost to Mizuho may be greater than the 672 billion yen it wrote down. The bank, the first in Japan to put money in U.S. financials amid the credit crunch, invested $1.2 billion in Merrill in January. The Wall Street bank's shares have slumped 70 percent this year.

`Missed Out'

Now Mizuho is sidelined as other Japanese banks swoop in to buy troubled U.S. assets. Nomura purchased some of Lehman's Asian and European businesses in September, and Mitsubishi UFJ, the nation's largest bank, acquired 21 percent of Morgan Stanley for
$9 billion.
``Mizuho has totally missed out,'' said Amir Anvarzadeh, director of Japanese equity sales at KBC Financial Products in London. ``They've been very aggressive overseas, trying to grow this business organically, and some of those ambitions have come back to haunt them.''
Although it was the biggest loser, Mizuho wasn't the only Japanese bank that got hurt. In all, 672 domestic banks and credit cooperatives had 1.5 trillion yen in losses from overseas securitized products, the country's financial regulator reported Sept. 4.
Rekeda, meanwhile, has moved on. He now works for Guggenheim Capital Markets LLC in New York, along with Paolo Torti and Xavier Capdepon, who both followed him from Calyon to Mizuho.
Their new jobs: selling distressed CDOs at a discount.

(TOMORROW: The road to deregulation.)

--With reporting by Christine Harper and Mark Pittman in New York. Editors: Neil Western, Robert Friedman.

To contact the reporter on this story:
Finbarr Flynn in Tokyo at +81-3-3201-2541 or fflynn3@bloomberg.net

To contact the editor responsible for this story:
Philip Lagerkranser at +852-2977-6626 or lagerkranser@bloomberg.net

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